Monthly Archives: November 2009
Wife and husband
Wife to Husband – “You know you remind me of the Ocean ! ”
Husband: “What you mean Wild and Untamed ! ”
Wife: No, you make me sick !
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Whisper
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said.
“Mommy, I have to pee.”
The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. From now on when you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to whisper.”
The following Sunday, the little [...]
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Funny signs
Sign over a gynaecologist’s office “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”
At a military hospital door to endoscopy: “To expedite your visit, please back in”
On a Plumbers truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
On the trucks of a local plumbing company: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
Pizza shop slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one [...]
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New Boyfriend
While, I was recovering from surgery and spending most of the day in bed, my seven year old son asked me why I didn’t have a boyfriend. I told him the television was my boyfriend, he entertained me all the time.
The only problem was the television set was old and would just shut off for [...]
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A Case for More Beer
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps [...]
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Smart Student
The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late.
Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A ’smart’ student [...]
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Medical Problem
An old woman came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. “I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?”
“Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these [...]
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Catch a Rabbit
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question [...]
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Money
There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die, I want you to [...]
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Women’s language